Monterey Bay Area Roundup

Below is a raw transcript from the audio recording by
Charlie H. in 2019.(Click to go back)

I was a little worried to invite the speakers to call the readers up and not the speaker. But that were to wait just over last minute just to make sure. Can you hear me okay? Can you hear me all right? Okay? .

My name is Charlie Hill. I'm an alcoholic. And I I get so nervous when I talk I I don't salivate for the first five minutes. So this helps me plus I have allergies you guys have a lot of plants here. Seriously, so I'd like to play our national anthem. I.

Oh, yeah, I'm I'm really I'm really honored to be here. I'm really honored to be here last time. They asked me they canceled the event okay, so there's this thing my sponsor has me read. I'm on. And it's I'm sure it's for my benefit not for yours. But it says it's in page 95 because he didn't read enough stuff, you know, so we need some more.

It says here you'll be more successful with alcoholics if you did not exhibiting the passion for crusader reform never. Talked down to an alcoholic for many moral or spiritual hilltop. Simply lay out the kit of two spiritual tools for inspection show them how they work with you. offer him friendship and fellowship. Down if he wants to get while you do anything to help and so that's kind of what I want to do. is all I got is my story and.

I. Was told that they only have 61 hours on this recorder. I was a little worried about that. But I have this and then what I do is I got 45 minutes right. So what I do is I just break my talk into thirds and she get 15 minutes of what it was like and 50 minutes of what happened and. 15 minutes of what it's like now.

So you can go and judge me if you like to solve I'm gonna be judging you tomorrow. And I'm dancing great speakers at Teresa is that was that the the winged. You know Harry gave a fair talk, but I'll tell you what James straighten out that show. And so I make just to see the talks tomorrow. so. In an act this is an alanon a event and I was I've been authorized to tell an alanon joke.

That I heard from an alanon, so it is okay, all right. Okay, so this is like in. 1700s in France and there's these three people and they commit a crime and they're gonna have they're gonna go to the guillotine. Get their heads cut off. so there's two guys in a lady anyway the first guy lays down and. And they pull the string and the blade goes ch ch ch stop right there.

They inch away and everybody goes off the miracles a miracle and they let the guy go. He was an alcoholic see so he just kept his mouth shut and. Next guy's an alcoholic and he's always praying and he lays down sure enough same thing to pull the string. Stop right there. Oh, it's a miracle a miracle. They let him go and then the lady laid down and she was an alanon and she goes.

You might try little oil right? So burn off some valuable drunk a log time time. I. Say let me give you the stats first time my sobriety date is November 19, 1979. For that very very grateful.

I got sober in Las Vegas, Nevada. I did all my drinking in Las Vegas, Nevada, and there's one thing I never heard we were talking about that at dinner. I never heard last call. I never heard that the whole time I was drinking and I didn't hear it until I got sober and went to Idaho and at this meeting. They were talking about last call I go what are you guys talking about? We don't have that in Vegas.

I have a sponsor's name's Clancy. Yeah, so if you see him tell him I had the tie on and. He's doing well he sends his regards. I have a home group is searchlight, Nevada. So who here knows where searchlight Nevada is? Oh a couple people know you get a traffic ticket there.

You just meet a ticket. It's about it's about 45 miles south of Las Vegas. It's between Las Vegas and Laughlin and it's a little tiny town. It's got 500 people. They say there's 800 people but 300 of them are Californians. But they do is they just bought the property parked their toys there and they're claiming the tax deduction.

The Nevada hat we don't have any income tax either. That's something else. I've learned that right left biggest. We have five home group members so this right here would be a business meeting. and. Everybody else is a visitor and what's happened with that little group is a long time ago 37 years ago a guy.

With their and got sober and he found a sponsor in Boulder City and he told his sponsor. I don't know what to do. There's no meetings wrong thing to say to your sponsor. He says there's a meeting there now and they start they said eight o'clock Wednesday night. So him and his sponsor would sit there and they got a coffee pot and some literature and by the way if you're new. That's what it takes.

That's all it takes. That's the beginning. That's how this whole thing started was one drunk talking to another drunk and he didn't wait till he had a year or five years. Either it was right away and drunk number three. They I think they were sober a week when they started talking to somebody else. And I think people had tried to get by without talking to somebody else.

I don't know. I know how that works. I've got three sobriety dates. I know how that works. Anyway, so everybody comes and visits this little town and just to kind of pay a 12 step call on us like a H&I call. Who did the H&I panel with that H&I meeting or.

Yeah, we were trying to figure out if conjugal visits qualified as H&I. Anyway, so people would come by and they would stop and just kind of help our little meeting and over the years has grown and. the most of them ever had is 81 that meeting and. At least we've ever had is two so we never know how many people are going to show up. But the weird thing is is how much time do people have to show up? .

We have four we had four members about six months ago. We had a birthday. We had four members having a birthday. It was 209 years of sobriety. Seriously a 52 a 54 52 and a 51. So at a 51 year guy had the newest time and they let him know it.

They really let him know and I think the reason that there's so much. Long-term sobriety there is it's 45 miles from the city limits. I mean, you know, it's a hundred mile round trip most people don't go a hundred miles to get their court paper signed. So you have to have a car you have to have some time I think you get to this meeting. So we're going to change the format when I get back we're going to change it to if those of you with less than 30 years. Would like to introduce yourselves.

But now I got nine minutes to get sober. So if you're ever in search life or anywhere near Vegas on a Wednesday night. I'll give you my card. We'll get you out there to my home group. I'd love it if you came to our home group and paid a little visit for us. So now.

I was born in Compton, California. That's right, and that's right, so don't mess with me. I just look like Wally Cleveland, you know, I don't know what we were doing at Compton. My dad was a World War two guy World War two drunk to very fat, you know, very funny guy. When he was funny, he was so funny when he was not he was not he was a Jacqueline high drunk and we never do whether we were gonna. Say hi to him or make ourselves scarce.

I never wanted to be like him because he was he would beat my mom and scare us kids and. So I do want to be anything like him. My mom talking about I'm not my mom at Elsa Chamberlain in 1947. We're trying to get my dad sober. Try to get my dad sober my dad would come to meetings my dad came to meetings from the 40s to 50s to 60s and the 70s. And he died on the streets in 1976.

Never got more than 90 days. And I'm here with 39 years. So. So I don't know I don't know how. Like somebody says well, how come this guy can't get sober this guy can't so I don't know if I knew I wouldn't withhold it. Well, I tell the new guys I see all the ada van people.

Tell the new guys listen, I know how you can stay so to rest your life, but I'm not gonna tell you I. Would tell you if I knew but my mom was always trying to get him sober and he didn't get sober. But he had a brother named Carlin and Carl got clean off a heroin in 1952 in southern, California. A and became part of our sister fellowship. And so he's sober my dad isn't and my dad runs himself out of money. And he has to ask his brother my uncle if he could please put his family up in a homestead outside of Las Vegas.

That's how we wound up there in 1954 we moved to a. Homestead was about. 250 square foot building we had blankets inside to keep some privacy. We didn't have any power. We had oil lamps. We didn't have any running water had an outhouse.

We would get ice to keep our food cold. You know we were poor we weren't broke we were poor and I used to I just man. I just so mad at my dad for doing that to us because then I go to school and and I was different because everybody else had toilets and walls and plumbing. We were in the shack and believe me living in a shack in Las Vegas with no AC. Holy cow. But it wasn't until I was sober for a while that I really thought what that must have been like for my dad.

To go to his brother and say I've run out of money. Can I please put my family up in this homestead check that must have stung and. But he died before I ever got before I got sober so never got a chance to have that conversation. Just try to cheer up the newcomers. This is such a this such an amazing organization. Organization it's the biggest I heard it today it's the biggest organization that nobody ever wants to join.

Okay, and I got six minutes to get it over I. Could do this. So anyway, enough about my dad my dad is not the reason I'm an alcoholic. Yeah, although my sister and I both wound up in the program and we got sober so. And when I went to school I felt different because I was I mean everybody else had all the good stuff and I had this. I lived in a shack and but I just felt different so I was always looking at people.

I was always trying to I was trying to be like I thought you wanted me to be so that I could fit in. So I had a walk and I had a look and I just had this thing that I would put out there that would make you think. I got it. I got it going on and I was doing that from grade two three. I would do that. We moved out of the desert we moved into town in in the late 50s early 60s.

And I went to to a really terrible part of Las Vegas near Donna Street. They actually had a special called the gangs of Donna Street. So my dad moves me to this place and it's just full of tough guys these guys are just tough. The girls are tough. I'm is like a tough neighborhood. They would have riots and and it was in the 60s when I was in high school.

And all the racing was going on and people were weapons in school. It's just a real tough area, but I wasn't tough. Now I. Would try to behave in a way that made it so I wouldn't get beat up. And I was always trying to figure how to get out from school to home without getting beat up. That was my goal.

I was scared of girls because I asked a girl something once and she not only said no. But she went back with her little friends and tiddered and pointed at me just devastated me. So I don't like bullies and I don't like girls and. the whole neighborhood. And I'm just a tense little kid. So junior high school I.

Go to a junior high school dance. And these guys said hey listen we're going on a parking lot. You want to come and I said sure because you know I went wherever they said you want to come sure so we've passed around a bottle of 10. high whiskey. 10 I was and so when it first went around I just I didn't want to drink it because my dad was a drunk. I don't even nothing like him, but I drank it choked it down like he did and and the first one went around nothing happened.

Second one doesn't happen the third one the magic of alcohol. Happened for me happened for this guy and this is something that I think that separates non alcoholics from alcoholics. Is it the third drink went down and I'm looking at these guys and this wave just my shoulders dropped. Ah. Just felt this leave I'm looking at these guys and I'm thinking these guys are lucky. I'm here.

Bam just like that just like that. So we finished the bottle off and we go back into dance and this one of those dances where girls one side guys any other. There's just one guy you have to curly here like this that's the old days and he was tough. He was a big tough guy and he's looking at me and I'm walking in and I'm looking at him. I go. What are you looking at?

. And he goes what because he wasn't used to that. I said you heard me. What are you looking at? And he goes nothing.

I mean like he didn't have an answer. He was so stunned. And and I'm not I wasn't delusional. I didn't think I could beat that guy up. He could have beat me to death. But I wasn't afraid of him.

Can you relate to that? Oh my god what a feeling like he could have beat me to death. Oh, I wouldn't have cared. I was not afraid of him. Oh. Man, it was so freeing.

I think alcohol gets a bad rap sometimes. But I'm fully convinced that alcohol saved my life. I'm convinced of it because I think if I had to go through junior high and high school the way I felt before I took that drink. In the parking lot before I discovered the magic of alcohol. How to kill myself? I can't imagine getting too high school feeling like that.

But I didn't I just drank I drank I was one of the guys I never did get tough, but I was entertaining and. so they kind of adopted me and. So I was hanging around with all these tough guys and they would use me to start fights. And they would come in to what in this school. I got to tell you Rancho high school when they they started the school. Western high school opened up and so what we did is a couple of guys stole a couple of flatbed trucks.

And we loaded up with guys and we went up to Western high school and we called the whole school out. And I went I mean I was gonna fight I think I brought snacks. But I went with those guys I was with those guys and then you know then the cops came out. I said we'd get back to North Las Vegas and sit on the Renaissance, but. But alcohol was a man. I call was a bridge.

Alcohol was a lubricant got me in the human race and if it still worked today like it did then I would have had a drink. Before I came up here I guarantee you. I'd be drinking. But it let me down I overshot the mark and I got to do that in about a minute. Welcome to the new company man, I know how it feels to be new I knew a couple times. So here's how it went for me.

I went I was I got in with these guys and I I got to where I was not afraid of girls. I start asking girls to dance and if they said no. I just go ask another girl and I got really good at that girl stuff and I spent six years in high school because of it I. Got this I got a junior pregnant and so we got married and so it got married about this kids. And now after a year we got divorced and I went back as a as a divorcee for my senior year. And what in the big deal on ranch I think we had daycare.

But you're not gonna get what that's what I did to with women once I got good at it. If if a woman had what I wanted you might just give it up because what I would do is I would just be wonderful. Until it till you came across. And I. interview well. Just a wonderful I'm listening to you.

I talked to you after sex. We don't have let's pick out drinks. I mean I'm just the guy. Until you crack. And then usually in Vegas we ask you to marry us and and then once you marry me take me home. That after I can't keep that up for very long so after two or three months.

I revert to what I normally am and now they're offended. And then I wind up divorced I afford divorces behind me. Thank you. Anyway, I have four divorces. You're looking at a guy that paid child support for 31 years. That's what I did.

I kept getting married and pounding out stepkids for somebody else to raise. I was a guy, you know your dad's gonna come this week and I wouldn't show I wouldn't show I is. 86 with all these x y's gonna they would tell them I'm coming and I wouldn't mean it man with all my heart. I would mean it and I wouldn't show and then that's really what forced me to try to get sober is it? That I I'll just go right to it in 1978 I was on life number three and.

My ex-wife had cut me off from seeing my kids on on holidays. Or birthdays. Because what I would do because I did a lot of things that I thought were pretty bad. You know and the things I couldn't wait to tell on my fist up but the thing that was really the worst is. These women got together and called me and said you know what don't tell them you're coming to see them on their birthday. Do not tell them you're coming on Christmas and do not come around on Thanksgiving.

Because you have told them that one too many times and you've left them sitting at the window. Waiting for dad. So. So they cut me off so I didn't get them on holidays anymore, but I remember I interview well. So I convinced them in December of 1978 that I was gonna be okay for Christmas and I was gonna get to see my kids on. Christmas Day and I mean I said I'm gonna go down and join that a and a and I did on.

December 11th of 78 and I told them I'm gonna be sober Christmas let the kids come over on Christmas. I'm gonna be sober. I met it with all my heart and I made it until Christmas Eve. And Christmas Eve the worst possible moment I was putting together toys. And they were gonna bring those kids by the next day Christmas Eve and some guy came by and I was just about two weeks of being. Sober I you know anybody with two weeks feels good.

Doesn't it. They're calling me up and saying Jesus I told you I'll be sober get off my back. I'm a little tense and on Christmas Eve. Somebody comes by with some Scotch whiskey and I took a shot of Scotch whiskey on. Christmas Eve in 1978 just to take the edge off and if you'd have put a light detector on me it wouldn't have budged. I'm just gonna take the edge off and I don't know what I did Christmas Day.

I don't remember Christmas Day, but it must not have been good because I didn't get to see one kid. I didn't get to see for eight years. I. Was I was I really did it. So I blacked out. I don't remember Christmas Day and I really don't remember much all the way up till May.

I mean if you put a gun to my head and ask me what happened. I can't put those time frames together. I can't tell you what happened in May 25th at 79 I bounced back into the program. I said man you guys are right. You know the first drink did it that's Scotch whiskey. the first drink did it and.

So I came in and I came in like a crazy person. You'll see him, you know, they come in they get all the literature the underlying highlight everything. They write in the margins and they go to three or four meetings a day and drink like four pops of coffee. They're like they're like militantly sober. And have a drink no. And and that's what I became and I and so right away.

I started making some money because I know why that happens for me. I know why that happens to me because that's so poor when I was a kid when I get money. You're gonna know it because I'm gonna drive it and I'm gonna wear it and I'm gonna have my pocket. So I first thing I did after three or four months. I was going to three four meetings a day that I got a job and I started making a little bit of dough and. I saw about a Lincoln brown on Brown Lincoln with wire rins 23 feet long yet.

Look at it twice to see the whole thing. And I would bring it park it right in front of the meeting so you had to wiggle past it to get in. Like according my gold watch it's almost time for the meeting. You know and so in after three months. I decided I'm cutting back on meetings because as I got the job I start coming back on meetings. And then I got back in the big bedroom.

And I start cutting back in some more meetings. I and so slowly every time I got a gift of AA I. dropped. Part of AA so I picked up those tools those spiritual tools. I just had them all and then it as life started giving me all the promises all the gifts. I started dropping the tools back down and then here's the kind of guy you got up here today.

I want to know what's the least I can do? What's the very least I can do? And get you get by. And in fact do a little excel a little bit.

What's the very least of you know you chumps are fine with that. 90 and 90, but I'm gonna see how what's the least you can do so I started cutting back beating us until I got to one. A week now the problem with that theory is if you know we can find out what's the least is you have to drink. Right because that's the number you just keep cutting back until you drink. And then you okay, that's the number. For me it's one meeting a week and I was.

You know the dice leader the whole time I was in growing up. You know once I got old enough to deal dice I was a dice leader crack dealer and made a lot of money and. invested it all in women and alcohol. Never got home with the money. And I had a friend of mine in the dealing business in fact. He and I had been in the army together and I had six months over so I went over to his house.

And I hadn't seen him since I got sober so I went over there to show him how well how well I was doing. How you doing? I showed him my car and he said you wanted do some drugs and. Back then I thought I was an and I thought I really wanted to be a drug addict. It has so much more pizzazz. Than a.

Alcoholic you know I'm gonna be a dope thing. You know I want to be I want to be son has some style. So in the back of my mind. I think I thought I was and I thought that there was this little piece of me that thought maybe I'm I'm not an alcohol. maybe I'm just. You know so anyway, so he says you want to get high I said no no no no I don't do that anymore.

He said well how about some wine? What kind of wine. See I listen around here and they say the first drink gets you drunk. Wine is not a drink. I.

Come on you can some a distribution leave it. Shut up. Wine is bomb water. Anyway. So he says how about a glass of wine and I said well what kind of wine it was a leap from Elton and he so he brings out. Crystal glass this thing I was in the army with and we're celebrating my 31st birthday and my six months of sobriety.

With this glass of wine, but he's starting to port and I remember you guys say first pink gets you drunk. So it's at a half a glass. I said that'll do right there stop right there. half a glass. So I'm having a half a glass of wine which isn't a drink and I drink it and I was gonna drink that glass of wine and toast. My birthday and with my army buddy and go home.

But something happens and you've got right about to hear and I got out to my fingertips. So good now. I just wanted to finish the job and there's all this guy had with wine. so I left there and I bought a bottle of Chevy's Regal and. finished that off and got some going away pills erect my car the car wasn't insured I. Had phoning up the docks when I bought it and told him I had insurance that he didn't have any insurance I.

Called in sick. drunk. And you could do that as a dice dealer, but I had a new job and they fired me. So I called home said I already need to come home. She said don't come home. I'm changing the locks.

So I'm standing there. 12 hours earlier. I was a smiling shiny six-month guy with a brand new car. 12 hours later. I'm standing in my wardrobe. I took all my money to get out of that job or that jam.

I lost a job the wife the place to live the car. I lost everything in 12 hours. carpet bond my life in 12 hours. And I am so grateful. I'm so happy that that's how it happened for me. Because it's it the mystery is over I can't drink wine.

But I think about my dad sometimes and all like my dad in and out in and out in and out. He knew all the ways he knew all the houses to go to and everything like that and he died on the streets. And for me what happened was I went in and out in in and out and in 12 hours. I carpeted bomb my life and it's and it just took away any doubt any shred of doubt that I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. To the bone all the way through I'm an alcoholic.

That's what it is. I'm never gonna change. I'm an alcoholic. I'm always gonna be one. So all of a sudden things got easier so I started looking around the rooms and I thought okay, I'm an alcoholic. That's just great.

I'm looking around the rooms and I'm not happy. Because I'm an alcoholic and nothing else seems to work my dad tried everything you could think of. Nothing else seems to work, but how far synonymous seems to work. I got four guys with 50 years in my own route proven. I'll call us anonymous works. That's not gonna make it work for me.

So I jumped in with both feet and I went to this meeting and it was a place called the triangle club and the triangle club. had a pool in the backyard and. And we would have newcomer meetings on Saturday mornings. So all the show girls of the Tina runners and barfingers and the and the cock away. Cuz it would be in the shallow end of the swimming pool on Saturday morning and I showed up to this meeting and I thought I can do this. This is for me.

so. My sponsor was the time with Dick Tucson. He saw what I was doing and he said. You know listen, we're gonna go to this other meeting. Some of you may have this experience. We go to this clubhouse and the best way I can describe is it looked like the bar scene in Star Wars.

Like an old man. Do you want what we have. Which I did not you know. Anybody have a burning desire. It was terrifying. So I'm hanging on to my sponsor and.

And he says talk to people. So I go talk to this guy. He said how you doing care. I go well. I can't make the rent in my wife's sleep with the neighbor. I think you know this.

You got one of the books. What does that have to do with what I just said? Speaking whale or something. What's wrong I think I'm going to jail well keep coming back. And now that I've been wrong for a while I think I know why they do that.

Sometimes have guys come up to me and I'll say how you do it and they'll give me some scenario. I have no idea what to do so I go keep them in the back. So but what I did is after the meeting here's how he got me after the meeting. He said how do you like that meeting and I said I hated it. I want to go back to the swimming pool and he said. He said well here's your problem.

He says you who do you like around here? I said well I like the guys I'm hanging out with I like the new guys. They're more fun. They're interesting we go have coffee we make fun of the old climbers. You know listen to this guy right and and they're always coming back in new and we're always saying well.

We don't shoot our wounded and we'll let us love you to you. You can love yourself and and those are the guys I'd like to hang out with the problem was they work stands over. I'm convinced there's two skill sets around here. One is getting sober and I sponsored some guys and have for years that know how to get sober. They know how to get sober. They know who to talk to they know what relative to ding.

They know what they know the price of all the sober houses. They know which ones they can get into there's only one way you can know the price of all the sober houses. You have to go there. So they're not worried about drinking so much because they know how to get sober and I think that's what happened to my dad. Then the other skill set is how to stay sober. And it's a whole different skill set because it's different it is different.

It's this exact same thing. I did when I was new. But I did that when my dad died. I did that with my sister died. I did that when my stepdad died. I did that when I had to put my son into a lockdown rehab center.

I did that when I got hate mail. I did that when I got two divorces sober. I did that when I got bankrupt twice sober. I. Just didn't drink. So there's something that happened and it happened to me because I had that 12-hour slip.

So I don't care what I gotta do. I do not care. I'm please God do not make me have to get sobering please God. I have a list of my pockets that shows what goes first. The top of that list is don't drink. Down on the interesting file is my sweetheart my job my health my house.

All the other stuff that I thought was so important. It's just way down there and as long as I keep it in that order. I got good stuff. I mean I got good stuff this I'm gonna shorten my pitch. I could just tell you I used to drink and now I don't my life used to suck and. And.

Thursday no Tuesday. I was out on Lake Mead with my sweetheart of 35 years in a speedboat with a toilet. You. Pitch so I. Spunched everybody the same and I just want your guy to get 30 plus years. And I sponsor guys that are coming back again.

And I don't know what I if I knew that like I said I wouldn't withhold it from anybody. But man if you get to see geez hang on to it. It can work. It can work. so now I'm sober and I'm getting ready to. Do my steps and my sponsor.

If Tucson I would say listen we got to do the steps and you said who's this we you know. I've already done the steps and and in. Like 1980 you know the sponsor didn't sit down to read with people and do the steps. I wasn't happening to say here's the book. You know go to a meeting and do the step and bring it back to me. So I did that and I did it because the peer pressure because all my buddies were way ahead of me on the steps.

So I'm doing these steps because anyway. I'm getting ready for five. I didn't want to do five. I didn't want you for. I'm ready for five and I did it by my way out of town. What happened was I had a chance to go to the mining business and I had six months over and I went to dick Tucson.

I said, you know hotel. I had this deal I could do and he said. Idaho and at the time I was a pit boss of Las Vegas he goes Idaho. Do you know anybody in Idaho? I go no.

He says you should move to Idaho. He told me to move because everybody I knew in Las Vegas. I've been there since 1954 wanted to get high with me. They wanted to drink with me and I didn't know anybody in Idaho. He says we're gonna you're gonna go to Idaho go to this money venture and we're gonna hook you up with an AA right away. So okay, so we call up to it falls and he gives a connection for me a contact.

And it was and it was I lived in a little town called Kerry Idaho smaller than. Searchlight like a hundred people. Terrible little town, but there was an AA guy there and the AA guy lived right next door to where I was staying. So I thought this is great. God's working on my life and I go over there and I knock on the door and by the way. I was a pit boss and I give away all my suits to the homeless and I bought a mining outfit at Kmart and.

Got in my white on white Lincoln and I go to Idaho. And I pull up and I go knock in the sky's door and he and he opens the door. He's got his hand back here. I know what that means he goes what I go like, you know bill W. He goes yeah, I said well you're my contact. I'm an AA member.

He goes well come on in and he puts a gun down. And I'm thinking this is nice the only other AA in town. It's this biker guy you got you know stuff tattooed on his lips and. But he's an alcoholic so as far as I'm concerned we're we're the same. It turns out that the guy had gotten in trouble with a mom girl in Vegas does something and he thought there was a hit out on. So I still want the white on white Lincoln.

And I'm not gonna on the door see it thinks I'm there to whack him right so we're having no communication. We're not talking about so I said oh geez I got a Friday meeting. So I thought a meeting and catch him Idaho. It's about 44 miles away and I drive and drive and drive and I find this meeting. And there was one guy there and it was that there was a table like this and he was listening to a tape me out a pot of coffee. And he said are you an alcoholic and go yeah, I mean just listen to clients.

He did that so he shut the tape off and we sit down and he tells me his story and I tell him mine. I mean there's two of us so we had to live in our sharing to 30 minutes. He tell me this story and a nice story. I'm telling him my story and I inadvertently mentioned that in high school. I've smoked some pot. Now I hated pot.

I didn't like it. It made me stupid paranoid and hungry. That's all it did for me. hated. So it's like saying I'm at bowling or something and had no bearing on anything, but he goes like this. He goes hold it right there, buddy.

We don't talk about that in here. There's two of us. So he didn't like me and. In fact he started another meeting. He started another meeting over at the hospital never told me about it. But one of the things he did is he gave me five cassette tapes.

He gave me five cassette tapes that I listened to everywhere I drove and Idaho and everywhere in Idaho is a long way from anywhere. And I just listened to him over and over and it was. Johnny Harris. Clancy Chexy. Sybil Corwin and Normathy. And I listened to them over and over and over and that was my foundation and I call it synonymous.

I'm a guy up in the in the wilderness in Idaho and my foundation and I call it synonymous with those five cassette tapes. So whenever I get up here, I want to know that I'm truly humbled to be up here. And I would never want to say anything if we give any newcomers a misconception out of this thing would work. I would never want to say anything that would embarrass alcoholics anonymous or embarrass the people that asked me. Because I don't know who's gonna hear it. And those five cassettes there's a lot of people I've heard that if those were the five I heard I might not be here tonight.

But I heard those five over and over and over now is my foundation. So unfortunately I made a lot of money up there in the mining business. That's how it is the first thing I did was about an airplane. Well, you know, I'm getting some confidence and money you can buy an airplane and. Corvad and the high-boy pickup at a Bronco and a Cadillac about a 73 elder out of convertible. Nice nice nice and I'd fly it to meetings.

I would fly to meetings in my airplane. I got like two and a half three years over. That was it. But we just got a lot of money in a hurry. So I'm flying the meetings and good in places like that and I would let everybody know a money if Charlie Hill and I flew here. I'm an airplane there.

And then I lost all the money we lost all the money in about 10 days. So I had the money for a couple years and it all went away. There was a girl that liked me so I asked her to marry me just to prove it she married me and I left town with her. I got to read on Nevada. Eventually I had to actually stop in Jackpot because I sold all my stuff except the elder out of convertible. And that's as far as I could get on a tank of gas.

So I had to stop in jackpot and work for a season. Because they wouldn't let me work just a couple weeks and make enough money to go to Jack to Reno. I got to Reno Nevada and. Living the Cadillac was gone now and I had to borrow a car I borrowed a 1962 mercury. And I lived in it so. If you're thinking about going out again a 62 mercury is an excellent vehicle.

It is so big inside you can stretch out the back seat. It had an exhaust leak so I couldn't let the engine run keep here on the. But I got a job at the Hilton as a crop dealer. So I go in and they said okay. Go get your police guard time to work and I couldn't wait because I had any money and I wanted kind of work so I could eat you. Know that they could get three squares when you go to work and I go to get my police card and they wanted to do my address.

So I put down. 192 mercury. So this this lady is going towards that app Reno spark they got us in the parking lot. So. But she says you can't do that, you know, you have to have a real address. So she opens the yellow pages and she took Sierra since truck stop.

That was my first address. And I mean I'm not so I went to work as a dice dealer got some money brought my wife to come. It was everything is great. I'm coming up on five years sober life is good. I like is good. If I hurry I could tell the story.

I've been given permission by Irene to tell the story my sweetheart. So all of a sudden I'm coming up on five years sober and I began to do all the things I did I. Began to behave like I did before I got sober I. Just started doing all that. Through in the least I could do cutting corners stuff like that and I started cheating on my wife and. and.

At one point I was seeing six women and I was married now for the new people. This is a long time ago. I was much younger. I was a much more marketable product. And I had a lot more energy. But what it was is it was it was an instant gratification thing it was just a way some is all you're so good at blah blah blah.

you know, I was that's what it was for me was instant gratification and. I'm dying I'm going to meetings and I just feel so terrible that I can't tell the truth. I'm in meetings and every saying how's it going? I don't want the newcomer to get the wrong impression something and I really fine everything's good. And I'm just dying inside and I I I don't know what to do.

And I met a guy named Dave Hamza Dave Hamza was a heavyweight boxer. He was the real deal. He was a South paw he fought as her Charles when desert Charles was a heavyweight champion of the world. He did an exhibition fight and he was still standing at the end of the fight. So he's a real guy real watcher. And he comes up to me and I'm I'm doing the same thing.

I didn't junior high. I'm presenting myself, you know. And he looked comes up to me and he goes. You're Charlie Hill, right and I said yeah, and he looks me dead in the eye and he goes. Well the real Charlie Hill come out of there. I'm thinking who's this guy?

. So I pushed him. Short scuffle. The next day I went looking for him because I wanted to know how he knew that I was in such pain. Because I was selling a bill of goods. And but I was just dying inside he knew he just saw just like that and I saw I went now.

You see you want to have coffee? I go sure so we go get coffee. We're sitting at this. booth and he says so what's going on with you and I started to tell him about my life. And I told him about these six women and that I was married and he says well, let's go back to that. So I.

Think and by the way, what he told me to do I can find in the book or I shouldn't have to do it. What he told me was he says these six women are you want me to sponsor you and I go. Yeah, he says well you wouldn't go to any lengths to beat alcohol and I said yes, so can you follow some simple direction? I said yes. He says I want you to tell all these women the truth.

And I said I will I will he said I want you to do that today or get another sponsor. kind of harsh and. And the reason I didn't just blow him off and leave was it two days before that I had a glass of champagne. Right to here. And I was gonna take a drink and. The only thing that saved me was I saw my reflection in a mirror and I dropped it into trash and got out of there.

So two days later here's Dave talking to me and I know this is staying ahead me doing time. He says I want you to close your eyes and imagine you're living just like you're living right now. Five years from now. Ten years man, I did not like that picture. He said so we're gonna clean it up. We're gonna do it today.

Yes. I want you to tell them all the truth. Okay, he says this first girl here. What are you gonna tell her? I said well. I met a girl.

She's a lot like you one thing led to another. You can what are you talking about? Why don't you tell her the truth? I said, okay, let me think. All right, we're working together at at night late at night and we spent all this time together.

He goes what are you talking about? He says. Tell her the truth. I. Couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him the truth.

I could not tell the truth. I was gonna turn. So he helped me with it. He took on a napkin and he wrote let's see what the truth is so you wrote on the first line. He wrote I'm sleeping with other women and I said yeah, that's true. Sometimes the same day I'm with you.

I. I said yeah, that's true too. I've been lying to you. I said yeah, that's true. And he looks at the napkin he goes let out of do it. And he handed me the napkin.

Man what a long day. And I've never heard anybody being told to do that I've never told anybody to do that. But what he told me was that I wasn't having an affair. I was exhibiting serial behavior and those women deserve to know what they were dealing with. And if I wanted to stay sober I needed to come clean so I did I went around I went to the first house. You want to come in no I.

Need to do this on the porch. So I read I read an active I literally read the napkin I said yeah. I was sleeping with other women sometimes the same behind with you. I've been lying to you and she goes what do you mean I go well? I'm in a girl. Man just like that and I go no no no wait and I read the napkin again.

So that's what I did that day is a longest day of my life. I went around at the end of the day. I had no more relationship problems. I can tell you that but the last person I went to I was so tired. Did I knocked in the door she answered it and I just handed her the napkin. They're eight deaths.

And I lay down on the floor. and. So she's reading an app and she looks down at me and she goes we're a lot of like. That was fun, you know. But I was so tired I stayed I was just so tired so tired and. And 35 years later I'm still with that woman.

Thirty-five years later I'm with him. You're looking at a guy got married divorced before he was out of high school. And I've been with the same woman for 35 years and we had a few bumps in the beginning. It's hard to reverse a lifetime of that behavior and all at once. But we've had a long long run and the deal is that she gets the truth. So what does that have to do a stand-over?

Is it the guy who came into alcohol synonymous the guy that was that guy was gonna drink again? Was gonna drink again. I became a different person and as a result the reason I did is because I'd be I took. Direction from people and I did things I didn't believe were gonna work and because I because I knew that my way.

I did not work I was bankrupt. And my life my life's perfect really is she and I've been together 35 years. We got just a wonderful wonderful time after the first few years we had room. Let me put it this way. She's up. She's 32 years over and we've been together 35 years.

That means she wasn't even alcoholic when I met her. alcoholism is a sexually transmitted disease. But she's a love of my life she's a love my life she gets a square count. I don't worry about what she's doing. I'm not doing anything and the penalty for lying can't believe anybody penalty for cheating can't trust anybody. I never wonder where she goes and never wonder what she does because I'm not doing anything.

I got I get a whole new grasp on what the truth is and the truth has got to deep side one is Dave told me first thing. I wanted to leave this woman because she's terrible and I told Dave that and he said she's just like you. Maybe you should just stay there till you change because if you leave right now, you're gonna wind it with one just like her. So I began to work on me and I began to change what I was doing and and she changed that's how it worked. So she and I had a great great time. I'm gonna wrap this up real quick.

What we did is we moved to a place called Auburn, California. And we were penniless. I'd gotten in a big gut jam with my business and we were penniless really. We had big clums and we couldn't put a dollar in the basket for two years. We have six bucks a day to live. We had her and I her son and a synchronon.

Yeah, really how you gonna do that? So if we each went to a meeting every day and gave up the dollar now. We only got four dollars a day. I mean we could not put a dollar in a basket. So when the basket goes around and people don't put dollars in I never judge unless you got an eight dollar monster drink.

So we were so so broke just so broke and all of our guys I'm. Spontin what we did is we moved there might Dave did a really good thing for me. Says when you walk into a new fellowship like this if I moved here with this fellowship. He says the fellowship this area will not keep you sober because you need to fellowship to grow up around you. Yet to have a fellowship grows up around you and it's in our thing that we have it says that the. frequent contacted with newcomers and with each other's to bright spot of our lives.

So when we moved to Auburn they were doing a ride. He said I want you to go and greet all the newcomers and I want you to do it this way. Shaped up their hand and remember their name. Hi J. R. I'm glad you're here, and I hope to see you at another meeting.

I. Had you I'm glad you're here. I. Know how to. And what would happen is that guy would look for me next meeting and because I remember his name. Yeah, I always thought that I would go say hi.

I'm Charlie and I would ask some effect has no effect. But if I said their name then they would look for me next time and then maybe next time I take them around and introduce them. Sometimes I'd ask some other move to sponsor. but sometimes I would get to sponsor and after a while I would have a group of guys that were they were my fellowship and. And the other part is visitors we don't talk about that in the book. It doesn't say frequent contact with newcomers and with visitors.

But that's a new demographic in AA and then that one is when people come and move to a place like this. Then they're moving from somewhere and you guys are not doing it right. I guarantee it. So they don't feel right and so they come to a meeting and maybe nobody comes and says hi. And then they try to stay sober by calling their sponsor back home and then. Next thing you know they come in and we're picking up a chip.

Yeah, it was over and over having some Vegas a lot. 10 20 30 years over picking up chips. So I want to make sure that I'm the guy when I move somewhere. To get to newcomer and the visitors because you never know why somebody's relocated. Why is somebody here when we we moved all over we will we decided by the way because of that being so broke. We decided instead of going on vacation.

We would just move to beautiful places and get crappy jobs and live there for like three three and a half years. So we moved to Sedona, Arizona. Cabo San Lucas, Mexico sisters Oregon a book of return, Florida. Jupiter told us Santos Mexico and now we live in Vegas and every time we move somewhere we do the same thing. I'm we're visitors. We just relocated when we relocated to Las Vegas.

We were burying my stepdad my mom's husband of 34 years and my sister who tossed up me into the program. They died two weeks apart just before Christmas of 07 my little 82 year old deaf mom. Was sitting there all of a sudden we stayed. But we go to the meeting and we can say any visitors. Yes. I'm so I'm Charlie.

I'm from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Oh, that's great. Not one person came up and said why are you here? What are you doing here? What brought you here?

How come you're here? So, you know. Fortunately, I was sponsored there. We worked out. But I never forget that so I'm not sure if you come to my meeting and you're a visitor. I'm gonna find out why are you there?

I don't want you Ubering back to a hotel. If you come to mind me I. Love you all I really do. Nothing to do about that. You can add to it you can't take anything away. My love you all and what that means is that there's there's something that happens with alcoholics and non-alcoholics.

Love us, but they don't understand. There's a why we do some of the things we do. Do you understand you know me if you're alcoholic? You know me and I know you. Why would I take that drink on Christmas Eve?

. Why did I do that? There've been something like that. The worst possible moment. Why did I do it?

Well when normal people ask me I come up with a story. But if you're alcoholic, you know, there's a line in the book once in a while. He may tell the truth. And the truth is that he has no more idea. Why he took that drink the man in the moon. I don't know why I took that drink.

Right if you're a colleague you know what I'm talking about so I love you because you know me you understand me. I. approve it I. Puked in my pants once. I was sitting on the toilet. If I told that story to border realtors.

They would truly be disgusting. But I tell that story in here and there's laughter and there's some heads nodding. Nice and seriously wished I was the worst thing I ever did in my pants. So you know me and I know you and I love you and doesn't mean I like everybody in AA and if you like everybody in AA. You should go to some more meetings. But what it means is I love you.

I'm a pretty happy guy. I'm like this does. The golden Labrador or something of me. I'm just happy. I'm just that's why I want to live out. I'm stuck here the rest of my life.

I'm gonna have a good time. So maybe I'm too happy for you and maybe too stiff for me. But I know that if you're a card-carrying member of Alcoz Anonymous. If you called me up even if I didn't like your delivery and said I'm thinking about drinking would you come and talk to me? I would absolutely be there and I know for a fact that if I called you up.

And even if you don't like how happy I am and I told you I was thinking about drinking could you please come talk to me? That you would.