Below is a raw transcript from the audio recording by
Al-Anon Louise M. in 2019.(Click to go back)
Oh, good, because I'm so sure. So my name is Louise, and I'm very, very grateful Alana and I am very grateful for Susan for inviting me here, and especially Sue B for being my host. She's driven me places where I needed to be. And I even made a McDonald run for me this morning. So I'm very, very grateful. And I know when yesterday I think it was, I was thinking Sunday morning, 9 o'clock.
I'll probably have maybe a handful of people. And there you are. They're more than a handful, and I'm really, really appreciative of that. And I want to tell you, I don't have a national anthem. And my home group is in Sacramento, Wednesday night at 7 o'clock, and it's, you're in the right place. So I'm going to first tell you a little bit about myself and then go into some of the other things, or what I'm doing now.
So I was born in Sacramento in 1935. Yes, that makes me 84 years old. And we moved to Fresno for a little while, then back to Sacramento, and war broke out in 1942. And our whole family had to go to a relocation camp. So we went to temporary relocation camps first, and then we ended up in Colorado. So Colorado has a special place for me.
In a camp called Amachi. And we spent three years in the camps. And we lived in barracks. And around the barracks we had barbed wire and watch towers where the guys stood with their guns. And then we're going to shoot us if we try to escape. And we lived there for three years, after which we moved to Denver.
And I lived there for three years. And it was very, very difficult, because remember, this is right after the war. And so I was only, what, 10 years old, something like that. And I would walk home from school, and the kids would throw rocks at me and call me all kinds of names. And it was very, very difficult for me. Then my dad got us to move to Fresno.
And we thought we were going to have this big old house and everything. And we drove out in the country. We kept driving and driving. And we drove out in the country. And here's our house. It's just a two-bedroom house.
And we were a family of eight at that time. So it's a two-bedroom house with a porch. And our house in the back. And a bath house in the back. And we didn't have a washing machine and dryer. So my sister and my father and mother worked, they were working in a grocery store almost, well, from morning to night.
And my two sisters and I washed the clothes, like the washed clothes and the wash basin with a pre-call those things. Washboard. Washboard with a washboard. And we hung up the clothes. I love the smell of the clothes that's hung outside. And then I also helped do all the cooking.
So at a very, very early age, I was groomed for Al Anon. Lots of taking care of my siblings because I'm the oldest of seven. And then, let's see, in high school, in high school, I was very, very fortunate because there were kids in there that accepted me as I was, a Japanese. And we were friends through the four years in high school. And I was very, very happy to have them as friends. And then I applied to college.
And I only applied to one. I applied to Stanford. And they accepted me. And I went there. And I have to tell you, in those days, there weren't that many Asian people in Stanford, in the colleges, the UC system and the colleges at that time. So I was one of very few at Stanford.
And I got my bachelors. I got my masters. And I got my masters in teaching. And so when I got out, I was going to go teach. But I married. I found somebody.
Actually, he found me, I think. And he was white, blonde in blue eyes. And my father said, if you marry him, I'm going to disinherit you. Because he's a staunch Japanese man. And he did not approve of my marrying somewhat out of my race. But I married him anyway.
And so I was disinherited. And when my first child came and was a boy, and as you know, in an Asian community, that's big, to have a boy child. And so my father brought me back into the family. And then I had my little girl two kids with this husband. And I found out that he was an alcoholic. Not only that, but he was a Korean war vet.
And he had PTSD, or whatever they call that. And there were times when we had windows broken, and holes punched in the wall. And I was just absolutely terrified. Absolutely terrified when he went on these rampages. And then not only that, but he was a womanizer, plus being an alcoholic. And so he would go and not be, he would not come home for several days.
And I cried a lot, cried a lot, and didn't know quite what to do with myself. And we were living in San Jose at the time. And my kids are our beautiful kids. I love them, absolutely love them. But he and my husband and I separated. And I was separated for a little while, and I met another person.
And he's Chinese. My father had a conipption. Because at that time, Japan and China were not getting along at all. And so he didn't want me to marry anyone who is Chinese. But I did anyway. I'm headstrong.
So we were together about 11 years, and we got separated. And I met my third husband. And you know how some people do geographics to get away from their problems? I did husbands. But the only problem with that is that no matter which husband I had, I was so happy. I was still there.
So my third husband was Japanese. And I thought my father would be happy. He was not. Because the man had five children. He said, Louise, you can't marry a man with five children. That means seven children altogether.
And you will be absolutely miserable. And I said, well, not. I'm not going to be miserable. I'm going to be fine. Because I thought of myself as being the knight in shining armor. And I was going to swoop down and take care of these five kids.
Because their mother died early. And she had cirrhosis of the liver. She was an alcoholic. But I didn't know that my third husband was an alcoholic, not until we were in the marriage. And he started drinking. Not only that, but he was a bartender.
And so that was really, really difficult for me. Because after he would finish work, his patrons would buy him liquor and set them up in front of him. And so when he got off work, he went around the other side of the bar. And there were all his drinks. And he often stayed there until closing time. Sometimes he would go to another bar.
And at that time, I did things like chase after him, bar to bar. Because he would start in the bar. He was working. And then I'd go to other bars. And I would go chasing after him. Now, if I had done that today, child services would come and take my children, because I left the children at home.
Or sometimes one of the older kids, they were getting older, would get in the car and drive me so that we could go find my husband. And I was just absolutely miserable. I had, at one time, I had six teenagers under the roof at the same time. Now, those of you who have children, and they were at one time, teenagers, you know, exactly what I'm talking about, what I went through. I have to tell you some of the stories, a couple of the stories of what my kids put me through. One of them, I came home one day, and I found this match book on the bathroom floor.
And it said, we buy gold and silver. And I says, oh, no. And I went running into the bedroom and looking in my jewel boxes in Shurina. He had taken all my gold and silver jewelry. All that was gone. And I went out to the garage and looked in the shelves I have in the garage.
And all my silver platters were gone. And anything I stored in the hall closet were gone. And I was just absolutely angry. My husband had a shotgun under the bed. And I tell you, I wanted to pull that shotgun out. And she'd, excuse me, shoot the balls off my child.
Because I was so angry. And as I said, you know, I was teaching. And so I had a teen in high school on top of that. So I would teach these teenagers during the day. And then I would come home and have to deal with the teenagers in the house afterwards. So one day in our faculty meeting, they burned some marijuana for us.
So we get to know what it smelled like. And that very day I got home, I opened the door, the front door, and this marijuana smell hit me. I'm going, oh my gosh, what happened here? And I went to the back bedroom where the boys are or were sleeping, banged on the door. They wouldn't answer it. I said, open the door.
They wouldn't open the door. So I took a running, I went to the end of the hallway, and I took a running jump at that door. I hit that door and I knocked it down. Knocked that door down. And there he is with my toast to rubbing. My toast to rubbing.
And he's doing whatever it is they do with marijuana, you know? And that's what he was doing. And I was so angry. And just at that time, there's a knock on the door, the front door. I opened the front door and it's my neighbor down the street. Your boy took my marijuana plant.
And I said, no, he couldn't have done that. He says, yes, because I just finished watering my marijuana plant. And he walked through it and I just followed his muddy footsteps to your door. And I wasn't in an island then. And so I didn't know quite what to do. I didn't know whether I should call the police.
And if I did, my son would get arrested and sent to jail, et cetera. And I couldn't tell on my neighbor. I mean, he lived down the street and who knows what he would do. So I couldn't call the police. And I let it go. And I have to tell you that my son and my neighbor became very close.
And I suspect now I suspect that he must have helped him deal that marijuana at the high school. So anyway, I was, and then I can't tell you what the girls did. I mean, some of the things that they didn't know and what the boys did. They climbed out the window. And I said, no, you can't climb out the window. So I got a hammer and some nails.
And I nailed shut the screen so they couldn't go out of the bedroom window. And so anyway, I was in such despair and frustration and anger that I finally went to Alonon and started to get some relief from some of the problems that I was having. And I'm really grateful to Alonon for helping me out. And I decided I wanted to do some service. So I got myself a sponsor. And she happened to be a member of the NCWSA.
And she was the institution's coordinator. And I decided that I would be a GR and get into NCWSA. And I did. And went to all the meetings. And I have to tell you, if you have any idea of doing any kind of service, be a GR. Because it gives you a chance to go to assemblies and to well, committee meetings if you happen to be an officer or coordinator.
So I got to learn to meet all kinds of people from all the way up in Reading. I still have friends in Reading who are in Alonon and all the way down to Bakersfield. And also Fresno, because I lived in Fresno for a while, too. And I got to drink some water. Hang on for a second. Oh, thank you.
Yeah, so yeah, Reading down to Bakersfield and got to know all kinds of people in the Sierra's that I still know. And people in Monterey, Santa Cruz, in San Jose. So it's a wonderful experience meeting all these people and doing service. So then I decided that I wanted to do some institution work because my sponsor was an institution's coordinator. So I did some work in Santa Clara County Women's Facility, brought in the Alonon program there. And then also brought in the Alonon program to the Santa Clara Valley Juvenile Hall.
And those kids were really something. I mean, I really enjoyed going to juvenile hall. We had different meetings because at that time they didn't allow the girls and boys to mix. So either it was an all girls meeting or an all boys meeting, but it was juvenile hall. And I really enjoyed that. And as I said, I was living at that time in San Jose.
And then my husband and I moved to, this is my third husband, my third husband and I moved to Sacramento. And there I got involved in a service in Sacramento. And my friend and I decided that we wanted to do more than just women's jails and things. So we, or I got invited to this meeting in Sacramento. It was for the CRMs. And that stands for Community Resource Managers.
They're the ones who handled 12 step programs in whatever county or city that they're in. And so I got to this meeting. And there were all these CRMs from all over Northern California. And they asked us to present our program. So I presented Alonon, 10 minutes they gave us, 10 minutes about Alonon. And then they broke up and they put us all on different tables.
And the CRMs came to our tables to introduce themselves and to give me their card, business card. So I had several people come up to my table and ask if maybe we could go to their prison. So I went home after that. And I got a phone call from Solano State Prison CRM. And she asked if I could go there and be interviewed by her and the Assistant Warden and a couple of other people. So I didn't go by myself.
I went with Yvonne DeGrom. She is a delegate. I think she's past delegate now for NCWSA. She and one of my other friends who's a double winner, double winner. His name is Dan. And we went for this interview.
We talked about Alonon and told her what this program would do for people and for inmates. And she said, at the end, she said, when can you start? And we looked at each other. When can we start? Yes. Whenever you want us to.
She says, can you come in this next Sunday? And so we said, yeah. So this was Sunday morning. And it was at 9 o'clock. And it was level two. Now the levels, level one is the lowest level of security.
Level four is the highest level. And Solano has levels one through three. So we went on Sunday, had a meeting. And I have to tell you about this meeting, because we had it in the gym. AA was next to us. And they had a partition around them.
And we had a partition around us. And we had chairs. And we must have had about a half a dozen guys in our meeting. And next to our meeting, there was a ping pong table. And they were playing ping pong. And then in a far back, there were some basketball things.
And the guys were playing basketball. And in the far right corner, there was a guy who was playing bongo drums. This was our first meeting. And we got hard to hear ourselves. And there was one guy there. And he was sitting there with his arms crossed, and sitting back, like, tell me something that would get me interested.
And his name was Sergio. And he became one of our staunchest members. He was really, really great. And we were in the gym for a few meetings. And then they moved us to the education building. But after that first meeting, the C-A-R-M came by.
And she said, would you be willing to do a meeting on Tuesday night with level three? And we said yes. So we went on Tuesday night to level three and did an alanon meeting there in the classroom, not in the gym in the classroom. And I have to tell you now at Solano, we have four meetings on Sunday, level two. Two meetings on Tuesday night, level three. Carol and I go in and do the meetings in level three.
One meeting on Monday night is the one meeting in Monday night. Is that what they call L? L top. And it's a large room. About half of this size, I would think. And we have 60 people signed up.
And usually anywhere between 50 and 55 show up. And very large, if you can just imagine. And it's from 6. 30 to 8. That's a long time for 60 people in an alanon meeting within mates. So we decided, Carol and I decided we're going to divide the group in.
First we have them together and we do the steps. It's a regular alanon meeting. So we do the steps and the traditions and whatever else. And then we break the group into two. She takes one group anywhere from 20 to 25, depending on how many people are there. And then I take the other group.
And we do what my group does on the first Monday of the month. We do steps. We do the steps. And then the second one we do book study and we're doing the transforming our losses. And then the third Monday we do the traditions. The fourth Monday we do how alanon works.
That's why mine runs. I think Carol runs her a little differently. But yes, so in our meetings in our institutions, we use the money from the pink cans to order books. And I can't tell you how happy the guys are to get the books. Now the first time we got the daily reader, hope for today, and passed them out. The next week they came in and several of them had taken their hope for today and had underlined and highlighted passages.
Not only that, but what they did was tear some of the pages out and sent them home. And then we take in pamphlets too. And they take the pamphlets and either give them to their loved ones in the visiting rooms or else they send them home. And so that's the Solano. And it just so happened that at the same time that we went into Solano, Soledad called and they asked us to come and have an interview with them. So the three of us went down to Soledad and they asked us to start a meeting on Saturday.
So we started a meeting on Saturday in Soledad. So the three of us had gone to Solano for two meetings and Soledad for the third one. And then at the same time we got a call from Folsom. They wanted us to come in to Folsom. So we had an interview with Folsom. We have only one meeting, no two meetings because in Soledad two meetings because we had the English speaking one and the Spanish speaking inmates wanted a meeting too.
And so they're on the other side of the gym. They're in the gym. But no bongo drums. And so then we went to Folsom and we were in the visiting rooms at Folsom. Now Folsom has now six meetings. And then Tracy called us and Tracy is DVI, Duelle Vocational Institute.
So we go in there and we go in there on Saturdays and I had to stop going to Soledad. I was in Sacramento by then and that was quite a trip. So I go to Tracy, Carol goes to Tracy too and we have other volunteers that go in. And our prisons ask for more meetings. I know Tracy wanted another meeting and Solano wants more meetings. But we don't have the volunteers.
We just don't have the volunteers. So if you're at all interested or if you know anybody who lives in the Sacramento area or for Sacramento that's District 6 that does Solano or District 9 or 10 that does Folsom. If you know people there, you know, tell them to volunteer because we really, really need more volunteers. David, who was the institution's coordinator, also set up meetings at Mill Creek. And I think he's got us in Chaltula Women's. I tried to get into the Chaltula Women's but at that time they didn't have a room for us to meet in.
And they didn't have staff sponsors because all our meetings we have to have staff sponsors with us. And let's see, where else? He opened a lot of meetings in the central coast. And I'm very happy to know that, you know, he has opened a lot of meetings. I don't know which ones they are. Let's see what else did I want to talk about as far as institutions.
Let's see. Anyway, I am passionate about my meetings in the prisons. And the guys are, I'm getting more out of it than they are, I think. I can't believe it, when we went in there they were so respectful. They came up to me and told me their name and shook hands. We can't hug in there, obviously.
And they told us our names and they are getting so much out of the program. And so many of our Alonon members are, you know, meet with the parole board and they are able to get paroled out. And remember I told you about Sergio. Sergio, eventually, he was in there, let's see, I think he had a thing of 25 to life. And he was in there like 30 years before he came into our Alonon program. And let me get a couple of water.
So Sergio got paroled out. And I listened to him because he got invited to go to the meetings on the outside. And so he went to the meetings on the outside and was just absolutely fascinating to hear his story being told, his story about life in prison. And then he got invited to other places. So, you know, we did make an impact on the guys. So several of our guys have been paroled out.
And one of the guys from Soledad wrote an article for the forum and they got printed. And we were all excited about that. How much time did I have? What is it? Oh, okay. So anyway, I am really passionate about my time in the prisons.
My husband died a couple of years ago. And so that was said, I can't tell you how many times I wanted to divorce him. And I said, I'd say to him, I'm going to divorce you. And one time he came home. And I used to wait by the picture window in the living room, wait for him to come home. And he wouldn't come home, wouldn't come home.
And finally I'd see the headlights of the car and turn in the driveway. And then there I would be at the front door with my Alonon pose. And I'd say things to him like, I'm going to divorce you. So I said that. And he said, no, you're not. I'm leaving.
So he turned around, went down the sidewalk. And I chased after him. And I just about tackled him to try and get him back into the house. So we were in lots of trouble. But Alonon helped me and helped me to understand who he is and what he does. And I thought that he would never get sober because he was a bartender.
But something happened. And that is one time I was going to a 49er game with my friend. And I wasn't going to take my car because I wasn't going to take it to the 49er state. And I had to take my car to the 49er stadium thing and have some drunk hit my car. So I left it at home. And I left my purse in the trunk.
And my husband took the car to work. My car to work. And I got home. It was an afternoon game. And I got home in the evening and waited for him to come home. He didn't come home.
Finally, I heard footsteps come into the house, the door open. And even my dog knew when he came home because of the way he, you know, stomped in when he was drinking. So he came home and came into the bedroom. And he said, I don't know where the car is. And I tell this to everyone's know when I'm in juvenile hall. And they all ask us and know what happened.
So he had taken my car and he said, I lost it. I said, where? Where do you think he lost it? He had no idea. Well, kind of. He said, somewhere on Winchester, San Carlos, something like that, if you know San Jose at all.
So we started going in the other car. We drove in the other car and we're looking for my car. And we're driving and driving along San Carlos. And then we get to Winchester. And my husband says, there it is. And we sit in the parking lot.
So we go to the parking lot. I open the trunk and there's my purse. And just at that time, a police patrolman came by. And evidently it was the one who told my husband put the car there. And so he said, what are you doing? And I said, well, this is my car and we're going to take it home.
He says, you're not going to let him drive. Are you? And I said, no, I'll just pick up the car tomorrow morning. But I wanted to get my purse out of there. So we got my purse out of there and we went back home again in the other car. And in the morning, my husband went to work.
And then in the evening, he came home early. He came home early. And he said, when do you go to your meeting and where is the next AAA meeting? I said AAA. And I didn't catch it at first. And then I realized that he meant AA meeting.
So I told him that this AA meeting and my Alonon meeting were at the same time. At the Good Samaritan Hospital down in the basement. So I said, and this was Tuesday when he asked me, and the meeting was on Wednesday. And so he said, can I go with you? And I said, yeah, you can go with me and you can go to the AA meeting. And I'll go to the Alonon meeting.
And so that was his first AA meeting that he went to in all because of this car. All the time that I tried to get him to stop drinking and stop driving while he was intoxicated. Losing the car was what got him to go to his first AA meeting. And he went a few times. He went a few times. But it seemed to him that it was not for him.
So he stopped going to AA. But he was sober for 30-some years. And I was ecstatic, of course. But it was difficult because he didn't have program. He didn't have a higher power. I did, but he didn't.
And so he went, he didn't go to any meetings and he stayed sober. And he was what they call a dry drunk. All the symptoms of alcoholism without the alcohol. And he was very moody. But thank God to Alonon because I was able to understand what was going on with him. And it was a matter of acceptance.
Had to accept who he was, what he was doing. And then I had to accept me. I had a lot of denial before I ever got into Alonon. I didn't know what was going on with my children. I didn't know what was going on with my husband. And I had a lot of denial.
But thank God for Alonon because it helped me a lot in accepting him. And so he died a couple of years ago. And one of our, remember I said I had seven children, one of our children, daughters died of a brain occlusion or something like that in her brain. And she left, forgot how many children she had. You know, I can't even remember how many children who's got what. Because I have the seven children.
I've got 21 grandkids and 14 great-grandchildren. 14. And it's really hard to keep track of all of them. You know, birthdays. I have a calendar and I have their birthdays written in there in my calendar. And that's the only way I know, you know, who's got a birthday coming and how old they're going to be.
I can't tell you how old they're going to be. Yeah. And my son, my blood son lives in Placerville. And he has a business in San Jose and he goes back and forth. He has somebody running his business so he can spend time in Placerville. And he loves to hunt and he loves to fish.
And he's taught, you know, my grandchildren how to hunt and how to fish. And it's really exciting because, you know, when he was growing up, I think I heard somebody talk about children waiting for their father to come home. He always used to wait for his dad to come home. My two children waited for their dad to come home and take them places. You know, he promised he'd take them this place or that place. And he never showed up in time to take them.
So, you know, they got very disappointed and I was telling my husband, my son actually, about those times when he was abandoned by his dad. And I abandoned them because I was so busy chasing after my husband. And I thought, you know, that I had given him a bum deal and I was talking to one of my granddaughters, his daughter, about what I had done. And then he called me the other day and he says, Mom, you did the best you could. You know, yeah, I was really happy. He said, remember when I had that pot in the drawer?
And it was not a little bitty bag. It was a lot of pot in the drawer. And he said, and you called the police on me? And I said, oh, and I'm really sorry I did that because he didn't speak to me for a whole year. But now he says, I'm glad you did that. And if I found pot in my children's drawer, I would call the police too.
And I, you know, I thought I had done him a great disservice, but he told me that he loved me and that he was glad that I did the things. Because I also went to get him out of jail one time. He went to a giant scheme and he got in a big old fight with another spectator. And he got put in the jail in San Francisco. And so I went up there and up there and picked him up and brought him home. And there were all kinds of things that he reminded me that I did for him when he was younger.
And here I was just, I just thought I had just done him all this disservice and abandoned him. And he told me I didn't. And he told me he loved me. And luckily he was brought up with babysitters, an Italian babysitter. And she just showered him with love. So he knew how, he knows how to hug.
I didn't know how to hug. You know, we Japanese, we bow, right? And we have to leave space between ourselves so we can bow. So I really didn't know how to hug people. And Alana taught me how to hug people. And Alana taught me how to love people.
Because I did not think I was lovable. I did not, you know, I had, I did not have much self-esteem. But Alana brought me self-esteem and brought me a life and helped me to enjoy my children. And my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren. And to love my friends. One of my friends came with me from Sacramento to here.
And I am really grateful for her coming with me and being with me. And I'm especially grateful to Sue here for being the host. She has been just absolutely wonderful. And Susan again, thank you for inviting me. And I am so thrilled to meet all of you. Yeah.
What was your name? Yeah, Meredith and Pete. I met them this morning, I guess, and I'm meeting people all over the place. And there's, I have bad memory. That's the only problem. I have a real bad memory.
I can only remember people where they sit. That was my thing when I was teaching. I memorized people according to where they were sitting. And so that's how I remembered people. So some of you that I have met, you're sitting in different places now. So I remember some of you.
And I want to thank you, May, is that, for your hospitality and for all the other people that have helped out in this conference. The dinner was wonderful and please tell the. . . John. Yeah, thank you very much for breakfast and for dinner last night.
And I loved all the speakers so far, you know. I'm next to the last, actually. And Charles, Charlie, I really enjoyed your speech last night. You were really funny. And I enjoyed your speech. And as I said, he's the one that was talking about the national anthem and he opened a can of something.
If you weren't here for last night's meeting. And I really enjoyed that. So I'm grateful for this program because you gave me my life back and my. . . Myself back.
You gave me myself back because I was lost. And so I want to thank you all for coming. And I see so many faces and thank you very, very much.