Below is a raw transcript from the audio recording by
Lisa M. in 2024.(Click to go back)
Hi, I'm Lisa. I'm an alcoholic. I'm so excited to be here today with all of you to share what I believe my foundation to my sobriety is. I guess first I want to say that I'm just so grateful to be here. It's such a gift that my alcoholism brought me to a place where I could live my greatest life that I'm living right now.
In the very beginning, I really had about 10 years of my life that I was out there drinking heavily. And the first step was I did admit that a lot of my friends were powerless over alcohol. That was the first thing. And I had two of my friends that I liked to party with and drink with came into these rooms and they were sober. And I saw them living their best lives.
And that was really cool. And I would wake up every morning and I'd say, God, please help me to not drink today. And every night I would I would go to sleep and know that that didn't happen. And every day I would get up and look at myself again in the mirror. And I just hated myself more and more.
And I could not figure out how to stop drinking. I finally came into these rooms with my husband back in 2022. And I really still had a problem with admitting that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. And so from the time we came in in 2022, it wasn't until April of 2023 that I I relapsed two times. It was the third time three times.
It was the third time and it was April 13th, 2023 That it finally stuck. And I want to say that that was because of honesty that it really did sink from my head to my heart that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. So that was number one. And I think just the honesty every day for the rest of my life That I am powerless. I am powerless over what other people do.
I am powerless over situations in my life. I am powerless over decisions other people make. I am powerless sometimes over even decisions that I make. And so it's daily looking at myself and saying am I really being honest with myself. So honesty is probably number one.
Number two came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me. And I grew up in a Christian home very much with hypocrisy and judgmentalness of a church that really hurt me. And so I did become a Christian at the age of eight, but I walked away from all of that because I couldn't see how fire and brimstone God was really the way to freedom. And so I'm more of a my whole life. I've been a drive-through healer.
So, you know, I I crash my car and I drive through and I please God heal me and he comes and he heals me and then I take the wheel back over and I crash my car again and it's just the cycle of over and over again. And I think that that happened with alcohol, you know, I was very judgmental of alcoholics. I had an opinion of what I thought they were. They just sat in the bar and they could have done something about it and their alcoholics and those alcoholics over there and that one friend I have and And so I got to become an alcoholic, which has been like the greatest gift of my life, but also You know, just really being careful with that judgmental spirit in my daily walk now is huge. I feel like You know, I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore my sanity, but he did not do that for me God did not do that until I came into these rooms.
I prayed every day and he did not do it. And when I came into these rooms, I finally really realized that I knew I needed to be here. And so I took action. I decided if I'm going to be here, if I'm going to be coming to these meetings, I am going to do the 12 steps. I'm going to get a sponsor.
I'm going to work the steps and if they work Great. And if they don't, I tried. I took action. I did what they said. I did what my sponsor said.
So I got a sponsor And I started working the steps and I found a tribe Which that is huge. I mean it is huge to have other people in your life that you can call because your sponsor is a human being They're not always going to pick up the phone. They have work. They have maybe 20 other people they're sponsoring. You just never know So I have a tribe.
I have a tribe of women in my life that I love and that support me and I support them and one of them will pick up the phone So that has been a huge thing for me is to be honest. Am I struggling right now? Am I being honest with myself? You know That there's a power greater than myself that can restore me two day right this second with you know my anxiety or my fear or my depression That if I can't do that myself and that God is not doing for me right now what I can't do for myself I need to pick up the phone. I need to call somebody um And then helping others Helping others is huge.
I feel like you have to be a go-giver if you want to Succeed in in having a joyous free life Jim carrey once said that you find out what your gift is and you go out and you give it to the world And you will truly be happy So it's not about me. It's not about what I can get today. It's about what I can give today So if I will not isolate myself like my alcoholic tendencies were sitting in my backyard smoking cigarettes gambling on my phone drinking alcohol But saying to myself, I'm going to get out. I'm going to go to the store. I'm not going to do uber eats I'm not going to do I'm going to get out there.
I'm going to interact with other people. I'm going to give my gift today And then when I go to sleep that night and I lay down I know that I have given everything that I can give um And then the 24 hours is true. I mean it's just so true if I Horribleize the future. I'm I am taking away from today and I'm miserable today and I am taking away from the gift that I have to live today And if I bring the past in then I'm Taking away from today and I think sometimes when things are really hard and I can't get out of my head I think to myself What gift am I supposed to be giving someone today that I'm distracted with myself about? So I'm I'm sitting here.
I'm horribleizing. I'm I'm stressed out. I'm this I'm that It's all about me And it's distracting me from being able to go out and give a gift to someone else and that gift that I give to someone else then fulfills me um I do believe that daily, you know that that healing is a daily process You don't just get healed and then you're good. I got healed, you know, there's so many times in my life I can look back and say well, I went to counseling. I did this.
I did that But I could still find myself back in You know, this is a disease of more. So whether it's more sugar, whether it's more Cigarettes whether it's more spending money, whatever it is um The resentment will kill me for today. So I have to do The work of saying I'm resentful. I need to force step this. I'm resentful over this person I need to force step this.
What's my part to play in it? You know and sometimes the part my only part to play in something is that I'm just not letting it go Um, my daughter's on a volleyball team and the volleyball coach came out and she said you guys are going to have issues with each other That's guaranteed. You're going to not get along. There's three things you can do about it You can go to the person and talk to them You can come to your coach or I would say your sponsor or you can let it go And I just think that was so profound for me because sometimes My part to play in it is that I haven't let it go and you just need to let it go So, um, we're supposed to read something Averse or you know, uh something in the big book that really means something to us and this really to me sums up what I think it is Um to be an AA to be an alcoholic to be living my best life And this is from the big book page 124 And it says clean to the thought that in God's hands the dark past is the greatest possession you have It's the key to life and happiness for others Or with it you can avert death and misery for them And I think that is my mission that my past as crazy and and sickening and You know Um, demoralization Demoralizing as it was that it is truly the greatest gift that I have ever been given And that there are times in my life where I get to pull out that past and I get to share it with another person So that I can help them to realize that they are not alone in this journey I have been there And that together We can avert death and misery So I'm sorry. I'm crying, but it's just so powerful to be here It's so powerful to be free From the bonds of alcoholism and to be free to live a joyous life one day at a time Together as a tribe.
Thank you